Blog Not Needed

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and things in my life haven’t been turning out as I had planned, so I need to start making some radical changes, to try to right this ship that is my life.

One of those changes, I believe is, closing the book on DIYSearch. I’ve owned this site since 1996, that’s 12 years. In that time, there has been so much of my life absorbed in trying to make this thing work that I think it is now time to say, I’m not up to the task.

I don’t just want to close the doors, and pretend this didn’t happen. What I’d like to do is sell the site, the data and all the code to someone or organization that could possibly realize the real value I think this site, this community has to offer. I’m just the wrong person to do that. I thought for a long time I was, but after doing this soul searching, I have to face facts, look at the past and realize that the best thing I could do is let this go.

This DOES NOT mean I’m not going to continue to approve links, and make sure the site is running. Hell, I got it back on page 1 of Google (keyword: DIY), from page 14. That’s not too bad.

So, if you know of an organization or someone who is serious, I’d love to talk to them. The domain doesn’t expire for another year, so there isn’t any panic, there isn’t any urgency and nothing is going away. I just have come to the realization that I have to start backing away, and let someone else realize the greatness that I think is in here, hiding.

I feel like a failure, and writing this is difficult. This is not easy for me. But its a rare case when doing the right thing is easy.

I’ve seen two long term relationships fail in the time I’ve run this site, I’ve seen jobs come and go, and cities come and go, I’ve seen the death of my mother, so much history and baggage is tied up in this site for me, and I don’t want it to be like that. I’m pretty much hitting the bottom of a very long trip down and if I’m going to climb up, I have to cut off some weight. I believe this is one of those things.

I feel sorry for those who have been there all along, I promise that this site isn’t going to just go away. Even if I don’t find a buyer (which I find highly likely) I will find a way to back away from this so I can start over, but also not abandon those who have put a lot of faith in this site and this community. I don’t know how exactly I’m going to do this, but again, I’m not in a hurry.

So, that’s pretty much it. I know I talked about having a sister site launched (Autonomic) and believe it or not, I am still working on that. Will that be scrapped? No, I honestly don’t think so. I’d like to finish it, get it launched and then have that go with its big brother. I even have designs for a DIYSearch re-design that I’d like to share with who ever takes it over, so there is a lot here, its just something I don’t think I can faithfully execute.

I’m going to wrap up this entry with a request for help. If you have ideas, I want to hear them. Please help.

Aside from life being pretty difficult and nothing going quite to plan, I’ve been working on a record for my solo project, and keeping a blog documenting the process. I also post rough mixes and other tid bits that may or may not be interesting.

I also post full mixes and links to get some of my other musics. Its just something I do to help me keep sane. I’m not out to move units, or break my way into the music industry (like that’s worth doing anyway).

The music? Yeah its a mixture of moody, melancholy synth-pop post-rock stuff, all instrumental. I record and produce it in my stupid little home studio. Its really nothing, but I thought I’d share.

Life has been very difficult lately, and made more difficult by the fact that I’ve been fighting a major depressive disorder that has me all out of sorts and between doctoring, day jobs and dealing with everything that just leaves me overwhelmed, I have noticed that my “deadline” for launching autonomic has come and gone, and come and gone again.

I’m going to make it easier on myself from now on, and just say, that autonomic, and following that, the new diysearch, will be launched when I finish them. I can say that autonomic will be finished “soon” meaning, not “in a while.” I really am not comfortable giving myself a solid date, but more like a time period. So, I’m saying “spring time” for autonomic, and “summer” for the new diysearch.

I am happy to see that diysearch has made it back to page 2 on Google. What a drag that was, seeing it way back on page 10. Yuck.

I’ve been busy with other things as well, such as my solo music project. Just released a 3-song CD EP with a 6-song 12″ (and CD) in the works. I don’t have firm dates on that either, but if you like weird, melancholy, synth-pop-ish electronic post-rock instrumental stuff, then you might want to check it out. Or not, I’m not doing this to  move units, become a vacant rock star or to even make a dent in the indie rock world. This music project of mine is something of therapy for me… keeps me sane, gives me something to look forward to. It helps with the depression. Its a vehicle, pure and simple, and if someone else finds that they like it, well, that’s just icing on the cake.

In closing this post, I just want to ask those who still read and follow what goes on with this little insignificant project, to bear with me here whilst i get things sorted out. Thank you.